The Strength to Break
by RainStar84
Summary: WHN for Broken Ballad. Adam falls in love with Ed Payson. After his death a crushed Adam gets caught in a compromising situation. Now the victim of blackmail, he is torn between allowing himself to be used or revealing his secret. Be warned M/M Slash!
1. Chapter 1

_**Before you read be warned this a Slash Fiction, M/M, gay! Adam's gay in this story! So if you find that offensive please stay away.**_

_**Ok that aside this is a "What Happens Next" fic for the episode Broken Ballad. It's not essential that you've seen the episode to follow the story but it helps. Constructive criticism is welcome. This is my first work of fiction in a very long time and my frist ever Bonanza fic. So I hope you enjoy!**_

Adam strummed the strings of Ed's guitar as Sally rode off in her carriage. He tried his hardest to focus on the melody he was humming and the strings and frets at his finger tips. The sound that came out of the guitar was stilted and forced. There was no mistaking the smile that came over Ed's face after Sally's kiss. Adam felt his heart sink. Everything had occurred unplanned ever since the day old man Cass threatened to starve out Ed Payson. Adam only wanted to help the man start over. He thought it was only fair that a man should be given a second chance. Adam knew what it was like to kill in self-defense. He knew right away that Ed was not the type of man who enjoyed killing. In the weeks the two men had spent together Adam felt a comfort and happiness with Ed he had never felt before. His attraction to men was nothing new, but this was different. Adam was truly happy in the company of Ed. He had been looking forward to coming back and having dinner with him that evening the two could talk for hours. Adam had convinced himself that his affections were not one sided. Now seeing the boyish smirk that Sally's kiss produced on Ed's face, Adam knew that it was more than contentment that he felt with Ed, it was love. He knew because he could now feel his heart breaking.

"What do you make of that?" Ed asked.

"Well if you don't know I'll never be able to explain it to you." Adam said tossing the guitar back to Ed.

Ed followed Adam into the cabin. "It seems strange don't you think Adam? I mean Sally sure is a pretty girl and she's real nice to—"

"Listen Ed I just remembered I told Hoss I would help him with some fencing, so I won't be able to join you for dinner." Adam had to get out of the cabin he couldn't bear to listen to Ed fawn over Sally at the moment. Adam grabbed his hat and headed for the door. Ed hurried over to him and grabbed him by the forearm stopping him before his foot could reach the threshold. "I hate to see you run off so quick Adam. I fixed up some fine eats and I was really looking forward to sharing 'em with you."

"I'm sorry Ed, but I just can't stay right now."

Ed tightened his grip on Adam's arm. "Ya know that Sally she's a real nice girl and all, but I just don't think it will work out. I've already got my heart settled on another."

Adam turned back to Ed and looked him in the eye. Ed let go of Adam's arm letting his hands fall by his side.

"Is that so?" Adam asked.

"Adam you've shown me more kindness and compassion then anyone in my entire life."

"Well Ed, gratitude is a fine thing." Adam said turning to walk out the door once again.

"This isn't about gratitude Adam. I mean I am grateful, but it's more than that." He grabbed Adam by both shoulders turning him around to face him. "Adam I— " Ed cut off his own words by pressing his lips up against Adam's. The kiss was forceful and rough and when Ed pulled away the smile on his face was mixed with apprehension.

Adams lips curled up into a grin. Without saying anther word her grabbed Ed by the back of the neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Adam's kiss began gently, but passionately. One taste of Ed's lips and Adam began trying to make up for all the other times he had wanted to kiss him. The two men begin to let weeks worth of built up lust flow out of their bodies and onto each other. Adam quickly began unbuttoning Ed's shirt as he forced him back onto the little cot. Soon Adam's gun belt hit the ground along with the rest of the clothes the two men had on.

Afterward Ed was lying back in Adam's arms staring out at the night sky from the little window of the cabin. The Nevada sky was drenched in a million twinkling stars and there was a cool breeze wafting into the cabin. Adam would have happily laid there forever. His hand rested on top of Ed's chest as it rose and fell from his even breathing. Only a few minutes before both men had been struggling to regain a steady breath. Their intense pleasure had led way to absolute contentment. "Did you really thinking I was sweet on Sally?" Ed asked

Adam chuckled. "Well what was I supposed to think she kissed you and you had a look on your face like some school boy with his first crush."

Ed laughed. "Well like I said she's a sweet girl and I was surprised and flattered that was it."

"What are you going to do about Sally anyway? It does seem as if she has fallen for you."

"Well I'll probably court her for a bit. Just so as not raise any suspicion."

Adam sat up, causing Ed to get up as well. "What? Are you going to marry her too?"

"Now listen you are the only person that I want, but we've got to be careful. Do you know what they would do to us if they found out?"

"Who's they?"

"Anyone and everyone! The world, your Pa, those men at that shop. I've seen what happens to men like us Adam, a bullet or hanging would be a blessing. When I was eighteen I was beaten and left for dead after the man who kissed me decided he'd only been drunk. I'm not going to let that happen to me again and I sure as hell am not going to let that happen to you."

"I've done a pretty good job taking care of myself."

"I know that Adam. If I court Sally it takes any suspicion off of both of us."

Adam sighed. "I understand." He said it with a smile to reassure Ed. Adam really did understand, but he had a fear that messing with Sally would cause trouble. Of all the women in Virginia City why did it have to be the sister of a man Ed had killed. Adam shook his unease there was no time for that he wanted to enjoy his night with Ed. "I'm starving. Are you going to whip me up another batch of those biscuits?"

Ed laughed. "Are you sure you want me to do that? You do remember what happened last night?"

"Oh you're right." Adam said. "Maybe I'll just have seconds of you instead." He gently pushed Ed back on the bed and climbed on top of him kissing him first on the shoulders and neck until he made it up to his lips.

"_I love you Adam." Ed said._

"_I love you too" Adam said with a smile. _


	2. Chapter 2

It had been six weeks since Adam, his family and Sally Cass had buried Ed Payson. Adam had been sitting in the Bucket of Blood playing poker with a bunch of strangers for about five hours. At this point he wasn't sure how much money he had lost, but he knew it was well into the thousands. He didn't really care. Between the gambling and the never ending flow of liquor all thoughts of Ed Payson were slowly being lost. Adam's head had become foggy and his body relaxed, he leaned his head back grinning from the liquor which had taken over his senses. He relished in the loss of control. It took Adam a moment to realize his bottle of whiskey was empty when he tried to refill his glass.

"Gentlemen if you'll excuse me" Adam said as he pushed his chair back from the table and slowly rose to his feet. "I seem to be out." Adam clumsily made his way to the bar; his feet didn't seem to want to cooperate.

"Hey Sam! Get me another bottle of whiskey!" He shouted.

Even Sam the bartender was thrown off by Adam's behavior. Never once had he seen Adam drunk in fact Adam usually remained sober so he was able to tote a drunken Joe or Hoss out of the bar. "Celebrating Adam?" Sam asked.

Adam let out a bitter stilted laugh. "Yeah Sam I'm celebrating. I'm celebrating freedom and life and love all the other shit people talk about." Adam yanked the bottle out of Sam's hand and stepped back stumbling towards the ground. He thought for sure he was going to hit the floor, but he had somehow managed to stop halfway there. Someone had caught him and was settling him back up onto his own two feet.

"You all right there cowboy."

Adam turned to peer in to the blue eyes of a tall stranger.

"Uh yeah, thank you for uh not letting me fall and I'm sorry for stumbling on to you." Adam said straightening himself back up.

"Not a problem, just watch where you're going ok."

"Yeah." Adam said. The man was thin and lean perhaps slightly younger than Adam, but not by much. He's clothes revealed that he was a man of little means, but Adam could tell he took pride in his appearance. His blond hair was in desperate need of a trim, but tidy under his black hat.

Adam let his mind wander as he admired the man, grateful for yet another distraction from the pain in his heart.

* * *

The next morning the light from the bedroom window seemed to slice through Adam's head like a knife. He groaned in bed rolling over in an attempt to hide his face from the sun.

"Did you sleep well cowboy?" A voice asked.

Adam lifted his head from his pillow noticing for the first time that he was not in his own bed he wasn't even in his own home. Lying beside him was the blond stranger from the saloon. Adam sat up in bed startled, he was about to climb out when he realized that he was completely naked and judging by what he could see of the stranger, so was he.

"What happened?" Adam asked, although he was sure he already knew the answer.

"You really don't remember Mr. Cartwright?" Another voiced asked.

Adam turned startled to see another man; this one fully dressed lounging in the settee in the corner of the room. "What's this about?" Adam asked climbing out of bed and wrapping a sheet around his waist, careful to leave a blanket covering the other man.

"Well Mr. Cartwright we seem to have here a bit of a problem. You obviously have a secret here. One that I can imagine you don't want to get out. I find myself now burdened with this secret. The question is what do we do about it?"

"Who are you?" Adam asked. His head was pounding with a hangover and his muscles were tense with nerves, but he kept his expression blank and calm.

"You can call me Truman." The man grinned. Adam took a moment to look him over he appeared to be about his age, dark hair and dark eyes. His skin was pale as if he hadn't spent much time in the sun and judging by the high quality of his clothes he wasn't a man who had known manual labor.

"And what is that you want from me Truman?" Adam asked.

"Well, I just need you to make yourself available to me in anyway and at anytime I need you. I just bought a rather larger ranch right outside of Virginia City. Not as big as your spread of course, but its well on its way. If I need you to back the Ponderosa out of timber contract you do it. If I need water brought onto my ranch you do it. If I need someone to come to scrub my floors you come and you do it."

Adam took a deep breath examining his situation. He looked at the blond stranger he had woken up with. The man was now leaning up against the head rest his hands laced behind his head and a grin spread across his face. It was obvious now that the man was working with Truman. Adam could not remember what they had done last night, but he knew either way the situation he had been found in was not a good one.

"And if I refuse to give in to your blackmail?" Adam asked.

"Well than I may just have to let your secret slip. You're family will probably disown you. Not to mention there are sodomy laws in this town. Something like this might even get a man hanged."

Adam grinned. "I can't say I care too much about my hide at this moment." Adam said scanning the room for his clothes. "Not enough to let you take advantage of my family's ranch."

"Well you see Mr. Cartwright this isn't just about you. What do you think a secret like this would do to the name Cartwright. No one will want to do business with any one with that name. Folks here in Virginia City will know it's Adam Cartwright, but what about cattle buyers in Texas or railroad companies in California. They won't touch a single Cartwright. Your family will probably lose the Ponderosa."

Adam stopped the search for his clothes and looked at Truman, he wanted to laugh, it sounded ridiculous to him, but he knew what the man was saying was plausible. Intolerance and prejudice ran deep in people's veins and there wasn't even a word for people like him. He knew that it would hurt his family's name. He had never thought of telling his father and brothers his secret and the idea was now making his stomach churn.

Truman stood up from his chair. He grinned at Adam knowing very well that he now owned him. "I'm going to let you get dressed now Mr. Cartwright. Zachariah grad your things." He said to the blond stranger who quickly hopped out of bed and threw on his clothes.

"As for you Adam, get dressed, go home, get something to eat and I'll summon you when I need you. Don't make wait on you either, I may forget about our agreement if you do." With that he walked out of the door.

Zachariah began following him out the door and turned to grin at Adam. "Thanks for the fun night." He said winking at him and then shutting the door behind them.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam stood alone in the room simply staring at the door that Zachariah and Truman had just walked out of. The more he tried to absorb what had just happened the more he began to panic. His heart raced. Adam had never had a problem accepting himself, but he knew the world he lived in never would. He had always told himself he didn't want to tell his father and brothers not because he was scared of their reactions, but because he didn't want to burden them with the knowledge. Now he knew that was a lie. He had never told his father or his brothers, because he was afraid of them looking at him differently. With pity, regret, discomfort, or maybe even disgust. They wouldn't understand. How could they? The thoughts and fears reeling through his head were almost more than he could handle. He sat down on the bed. He didn't think his legs could hold him up anymore. He held the sheet up to his waist now suddenly ashamed of his nakedness and what he had done.

A couple of hours later Adam tossed on his clothes and wandered out of the hotel. His head was still spinning with worst case scenarios as he meandered through town.

"Adam!" called a voice from the street. Adam turned to see Sally Cass bounding towards him, a smile spread across her face. Adam hesitated he didn't want to talk to anyone right now least of all Sally. Even in his moment of despair he couldn't deny his impulse to be polite to a lady.

"Adam it's good to see you." Sally said.

"Hi, Sally." Adam said solemnly.

"Are you ok?" She asked. "You seem a little upset."

"I'm fine, Sally just a little distracted."

"Oh. Well it's just been awhile since I've seen ya. I don't think I've seen ya since… Well since the funeral. Little Joe said you was mainly just keeping to yourself. How have you been?"

"I've been alright Sally." Adam said. He was trying his hardest not to look Sally in the eye. He wasn't sure if he could keep his emotions off of his face.

"Adam, do you think we could go somewhere and talk."

"Not now Sally." Adam had spotted Judge Watson walking out the mercantile across the street. "I'll see you later." He said to her running off before she could get in another word.

Adam caught up with the judge as he was reaching into the bag of peppermints he had just purchased.

"Judge Watson!"

"Why Adam." The judge said with a smile. "How nice to see you. How's your Pa doing?"

"He's doing just fine. I was wondering if I could have a word with you."

"Well of course why don't we step over to my office?"

After much insistence Adam found himself sitting in the Judge's office moments later with a cup of coffee he had no intention of drinking.

The Judge an older man in his mid 60's obviously felt like talking. He had lost his wife some years ago and his children were all grown and married, so Judge Watson spent most of his time meddling in other people's business. He was a kind man and didn't mean any harm by it. Adam knew that his interest in other people's affairs stemmed from loneliness. Since the judge was a public official people trusted him and talked to him. He was the man to come to if you needed information on someone.

The judge had been going on about some woman and what Adam was hoping was an animal that was now forced to sleep outside when he interrupted him. "I'm sorry judge, but can you tell me anything about a man named Truman?"

"John Truman?" The judge asked a little startled but Adam's interruption.

"I'm not sure. I'd say he's probably in his 50's, about 5'10" and wears a tan hat."

"Yes that sounds like John. Well I can't pretend to know too much about him. He moved here about six months ago, but he's pretty much kept to his ranch. He's got a pretty large spread. Nothing like the Ponderosa of course, but there's no doubt that he has money. Word is he made a sizable deposit at the bank when he arrived and now half of the men in the saloon are on his payroll."

Adam tensed at that statement. He could tell that Truman was a wealthy man by his clothing, and he assumed he had lots of men working for him. Now he couldn't help but wonder if Truman had shared his secret with his men.

"Why are you interested Adam? Are you and your father afraid of a little competition?" The Judge said with a laugh.

"No. I uh… met him… briefly… and I was just curious."

"Well that's good. From what I hear you don't have anything to worry about, especially after that last incident."

Adam looked up at the Judge. "Incident?"

"Yeah with that cattle buyer out of Texas that ya'll just sold to."

"You mean the sell to Tom Shuster. That was a smooth transaction."

"Well for you, but apparently you're friend Tom had agreed to buy cattle from Truman, that was until he heard that Ponderosa beef was available. He dropped Truman quick as hell. Apparently Truman lost a lot of money in the deal. Those cattle of his are costing him more money than they are earning him."

Adam sat back stunned for a moment. Now he understood why Truman had singled out his family and the Ponderosa.

"I didn't know." Adam muttered.

"Well I think that's a good sign Adam. A lesser man than Truman probably would have tried to make something of it. Might have even tried to stir up trouble."

"Yeah a lesser man would have." Adam mumbled.

Two days later Joe Cartwright stormed through the door of his home blazing past his father and straight to the kitchen.

"Well what's the matter with him?" Ben asked Hoss, who was walking in after his younger brother.

"Oh he and Adam got into again." Hoss said.

Ben groaned with frustration. "What about this time?"

"I don't know Pa. We were out branding them new calves and I was holding one of the little ones waiting for Adam to come over with the branding iron, when the two of them start a yelling match. I finally had to let the critter loose to go see what they were yelling about. It was something about Joe wantin' to leave early to go see a girl. I know Adam gets frustrated with him sometimes, but usually it takes a little more too really get under his skin. Joe's his usually hot headed self, but here lately Adam seems to be just as hot headed as little Joe."

"Yeah I've noticed that myself. Where's Adam?"

"Oh he's out in the barn stabling his horse. Probably still steaming."

At that moment Adam walked in the front door. "Well where's the boy?" He asked. "Still brewing is he?"

"Your brother is in the kitchen." Ben told him. "What's this argument about?"

"It's about your son, not taking his share of the responsibility on this ranch. He meets some girl and wanders off after her like a puppy leaving Hoss and I to finish his work."

"That's not true and you know it Adam!" Joe said from behind his father. He had walked back into the room unnoticed and was now carrying a sandwich. "I finished my work today. Branding those cattle was your job. I was just trying to help you out and this is the thanks I get! Besides Elaine is not just some girl! She's important to me."

"Yeah that's what you said about the last dozen too."

Joe got up closer to his brother. "I've had just about enough of you Adam. I don't know what you're problem is, but you've been riding me all day and I won't have it anymore."

"Come on boys." Ben said trying to step in between the two of them.

Adam pushed past his father so he could stare into the eyes of his brother. "Are you threatening me Joe?"

Joe took a slight step back. He wasn't angry at his brother; he was frustrated. While out working with his brothers he had mentioned Elaine to Adam, and Adam had just blown up at him. Adam had kept pretty quiet ever since Ed Payson's death, and the past couple of days he hadn't said more than two words to anyone. Today Joe had been trying to engage him in a little conversation and instead he just a got a mighty blast of Adam's temper. Joe hadn't intended for things to escalate like they had. He was never one to back down from a fight, but he also didn't want to fight his brother for no good reason.

Joe just stared at his brother for a moment then grabbed his hat and walked out of the door.

Ben fixed Adam with one of his trademark stern fatherly looks full of both frustration and disappointment. Hoss was now staring down at his boots rather than looking Adam in the eye.

Adam let out a heavy sigh. "I'll go talk to him."

He walked out towards the barn and found Cochise in her stable, so he knew his brother was still nearby. "Joe" he called. A figure emerged from the corner of the barn pistol in hand. At first Adam had thought it was his brother, but he quickly realized the figure was much too large to be Joe. "Who are you?" He asked. The man came further out of the corner. The man rivaled his brother Hoss in height and width, but he's hair was a shock of black and his face was covered in a thick beard. "You can call me Rowdy, I work for Mr. Truman."

"What do you want?" Adam asked coldly.

"Now don' be rude. I don't like being round the likes of you anymore than you want me here. I just came to deliver a message."

"Well leave your message and get the hell out here." Adam snapped.

"I done told you not to be rude. I know all about you, and your secret, so don't test me alright?" Rowdy said waving a finger at Adam as if he was reprimanding a school kid.

Adam swallowed over the lump that formed in his throat. He wondered once again how many of Truman's men knew his secret. He kept quiet and allowed Rowdy to talk.

"Mr. Truman wants to see you tomorrow. 7 am, and don't you dare be late boy. Mr. Truman is not a man you want to keep waiting." With that Rowdy lumbered out of the barn and walked off into the night.

Adam didn't even have a moment to absorb this latest encounter when he heard footsteps approaching once again. This time Adam's hand shot to the pistol on his hip.

"Woah. It's just me." Joe said walking into the barn. "What was that about?"

"It was… nothing. Just a little business agreement."

"Didn't seem too friendly."

"Yeah, well I guess we just weren't feeling too friendly."

Joe fixed his brother with a skeptical look. "Come one Adam what's it about? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No, just arranging a meeting with that man's boss tomorrow."

"What's this secret he was talking about?"

Adam visibly tensed. "Joe I'm going to ask you to please just let this go."

"What's going on Adam?"

"It's personal and it's nothing for you to worry about. So can you please just let it go, and don't mention it to Pa or Hoss."

"Alright" Joe muttered.

"Promise me."

"I promise, but Adam if you're in trouble let me help."

"No… Now you better go see your girl before it gets any later." Adam turned away from Joe and busied himself with work in the stables.

Joe didn't want to walk away, but his brother had made it clear he was done talking. Resigned, Joe led Cochise out of her stable and began saddling her.


End file.
